The Feminine longs to be the protected and Holy Daughter of the Father. To be safe, held, and completely nurtured by the Masculine, by a force beyond her that is benevolent, loving, and protective.
She longs to fully relax knowing she’s taken care of.
This is Sacred Law. It’s not about gender. It’s about the Holy energies that comprise each of us.
For many of us, our relationship to our biological father-- and the extent to which he showed up for us in this way-- created false codes in our relationship to the Masculine, beliefs like “men abandon me; I’m all alone; I hate men” etc.
It all stems from the absolute pain of not feeling what is natural and just, that our fathers and other men in our lives will be the loving and fierce protectors of our hearts and well-being.
Our fathers, bless their hearts, are human, and they likely didn’t always get it right. Maybe our father wasn’t present, attuned to our needs, or protecting and honoring us in the way we needed. He likely carries his own deep wounds towards his mother or father, is steeped in unprocessed pain from his inner child, and has distortions towards the feminine.
All of this bleeds into the way he can show up for us, and leaves an imprint we’ll then play out in future relationships.
If we didn’t receive the love, safety, and provision we needed from our fathers as a little girl, our consciousness will reflect that, and we’ll attract partners who mirror this pain back to us. All of this, of course, to get us to see the pain, metabolize it, and up-level our standards to receive something better.
On my own journey, my relationship with my father has been a core wound and teacher. I don’t hold this against him; I have compassion for the ways that he himself has deep wounding. And yet, it has caused me much pain, and has led to deep healing in my relationship to the Masculine.
My father wound manifested in my romantic relationships with men, in which the unprocessed pain I carried around my father was mirrored back to me: being with wishy-washy men, not feeling completely chosen and claimed, and ultimately not feeling safe.
This went on until I reached a healing crisis with my inner child. At the time, I was in a romantic relationship with what some may call a Twin Flame. This was a situation in which there was trauma bonding and unprocessed pain in both of us leading to cycles of re-traumatization. He was activating my trauma with my father and the unprocessed pain I held around the masculine, and that was the purpose of our relationship on a soul level.
My soul was aching to return to an experience of masculine energy that was clear and rightful, in which the Father takes care of, protects, and loves his Sacred Daughter.
To get there, I had to first go through the flames. In this intense relationship, my partner was busy as a full-time grad student, and had very limited time for our relationship. His lack of presence and attention, among many other things, triggered my father wound deeply, AND I was projecting all over him, blaming him for my pain without taking the steps to take care of myself.
It all reached a crisis point when my nervous system was so on edge that most of my energy was being spent on hyper-vigilant anxiety and endless conversation that fixed nothing. The trauma bonding (a term used to describe when two people’s individual trauma triggers the other’s almost like a puzzle piece) was so intense that the pain of being together was less than the pain of being apart, but something finally shifted.
For the sake of my own health, I found it necessary to move out of our shared home to have at least a tiny bit of reprieve from the constant triggers. I began truly connecting with my Inner Child-- whose pain was the source of my constant activations-- and it changed my life.
Because what was being activated was my father wound, and the little part of me that desperately needed and didn’t get the safety and love from her father, going to the source of the pain was everything.
What this looked like for me was allowing my little self to emote, to rage, to cry, to feel everything she did without question in a safe container I created for her. I began to re-parent her and prioritize her sense of safety and ease.
The big a-ha moment: I did not have to feel triggered all the time; I could feel good.
Through a natural process of raising my self-worth by way of letting my inner child fully be seen and heard, I upped my standards and eventually left this relationship, because I began to see that something else was possible. I deserved something greater. I deserved to be treated and seen as the precious gem I was. My mirror morphed into something clearer.
It’s paradoxical: when we allow ourselves to feel unloved, we create the space to be loved.
All of my beliefs around the masculine were coming from unprocessed and un-held pain within my inner child. And it wasn't until I “aired out” the trapped emotional energy in my body that new beliefs began to form.
And once I did this, a new timeline opened up for me: one in which the masculine *could* show up in my life in supportive, loving, nurturing, and provisional ways.
Since this time of my life, I’ve attracted men that are not meant to just trigger my father wound, but are here to actually help me anchor a harmonious and healing experience of masculine energy.
Most recently, my inner work has allowed me to magnetize a Beloved into my life that gives me the exact support, safety, and nurturance that I’ve always needed and longed for.
And beyond this, I’ve become energetically capable of having an even greater connection to masculine energy: a connection to God, the provisional, protective, loving Father energy that exists in our wide and expansive Universe.
Because just like our fathers, the men in our lives are still human. Having a relationship to the greater force of Masculine energy allows us to be nourished and held by a source that will never go away. And the more we open through our pain and heal our Father wound by holding space for our inner child, the more God can love us.
Potent, healing, high masculine energy is available to us at any time, so long as we have the openness and the ability to receive it.
By clearing away the layers of hurt which stem from my early imprinting with my own father, I have been able to become the holy vessel for God’s love once again. The more I clear, the more I can receive.
And once this becomes my Sacred Code, my imprint, I am truly filled up, nourished, and radiant.
I am, once again, the Holy Daughter of the Father who takes care of me in the deepest ways possible.